Numbers running in my head, letters, colors, everywhere...
Sitting still is all I can do, tapping my pencil, wriggling over and over ever so quietly
Where is Puppet? Scattered thoughts again over and over
Shhh...Focus....You must work, you must concentrate...
Where am I? Sodor is just beyond the tracks, golden rays hiding in the clouds.
The transfer yards I have entered the building through this morning in a sleepy slumber, in my mind
that is.
Illusions created, much better than the mundane picture before me. I walk slowly,
smiling about the thoughts jumbled in my head. Trains, colors, and more...
My mind fills up and chases thought after thought not catching a single one
Noises crowd my room, bells, talking, pencils, zippers, shuffling
High pitched voice, low pitched, voices all mingling, intermittent sounds flowing from one end of my ear to another.
Overwhelming lights, the air blowing in my hair; focus, how can I?
Too much extensional happenings here there and everywhere, in my head, at school and even when I lay in my bed, sometimes I am just full of dread. I think, think, think, and my body moves with my thoughts.
Worries abound and thinking, thinking about everything.
Slam my door, you are locked out. My fortress is just for me, stay out!
I will build images from the day that were trapped in my head. They will flow with the numbers or matter or history I soaked up today.
I repeat the words I hear over and over in the movie I just saw, in perfect pitch. I enlighten my Mom, my brother, and Dad. No---- Dad is at work.
He cannot be here after school. NO! It's too soon. Not yet, it jumbles more thoughts. Only Mommy can be here right now. I will know when it's time for Daddy. Not yet.
I am gaining inner peace, just here in my world, where fun is always happening and with my trains and Woody and Buzz too. I change my movie. I watch, and listen. I change again, and again.
What do they do when I am gone? They play just like I do in my head. Busy in motion, just like me.
Laying on my bed for a moment, completely drawn in to the TV I watch, I miss the
surroundings that once cluttered my mind, I am just in the moment.
Serene. Calm. Ahhh....
Back to thoughts, racing...
Knaws of my familiar chewy, a train goes by and I stare out. Music blares from somewhere...
Can I be still in thought, in motion?
I can't, but oh I try.
I am spilling over with thought and emotion, so much so it will not come out.
I can think of wheels in motion, numbers floating in my head.
9's stand out...V's I light up to. It transcends a giddiness within me.
Come and see my creation, want you Mom? Oh how creative! Now just go--- get out!
Back to play, back to colors, numbers, jumbled thoughts and the buzzing under my breath that vibrates my tongue. Busy, busy, at play. Please brother just go away.
Lost in play, as carefree as a bird, how truly wonderful it must be to wander so slightly, to stay wrapped in your world by night and by day.
For my Brock.....
Lovingly You, My Sweet Boy!
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